Fear Factor: Birthing and Raising a Child Edition

I love the idea of having my own kid but when I start thinking about all the things that can go wrong, I get scared for myself and for my imaginary child. Here are some specific fears that I can’t deal with. Please share them with me and hug me and tell me things are going to be all right.

Childbirth. When I was around eight or nine, I saw my aunt give birth in our house and it seemed like a cakewalk. She didn’t scream in pain when she was in labor. And when she lay on her back and pushed for my cousin to come out, it didn’t even last for an hour. That was my template on how labor and childbirth worked until my co-workers shared their own birthing experiences.

I know pregnancy and labor are delicate processes but I never realized how much more awful they are until they had this discussion. They talked about how it just hurts everywhere and you don’t even know where it’s coming from. Or that it’s so painful when the doctor checks how dilated you are. Or that you’re going to poop in front of people. But the thing that horrified me the most was when they said that they cut from your vagina to (but not reaching) your anus so that you will have a larger vaginal opening for the baby’s head to come out. And then they stitch that cut shut but you’re still supposed to deal with peeing having those stitches?! I can’t. I can’t deal with that image.

After giving birth, aside from trading your youthful body to a more huggable one, you will get that signature mom look. You know what I’m talking about. Some ladies you just know that they already have a child because of their facial features. I don’t know what it is but it must be something hormonal. They just have that mukhang nanay feel. You might also want to consider that this could happen to you:

Mariam grew facial hair after giving birth. Deal with that.

Having an ugly kid. I know parents are biased when it comes to their kids and think they’re such gems and unique flowers. A beautiful gift to the world! But let’s get real here, not all of us can be lucky and have good-looking children. I’m not even wishing for a good-looking child. I just want him/her to be cute enough to survive in this world. Just enough to make them work for a sense of humor and personality and not settle on just being pretty. Just please not an ugly kid. I don’t think I can be that kind of parent who feeds her children delusions about their nonexistent talents and beauty because we all know how these kids grow up—annoying assholes.

Let’s look at these two cute kids to calm ourselves down.

Raising a murderous child. Obviously, based on this entry alone, we know that I should have zero number of children. But let’s stretch our imaginations here and say that I become a great mom. There’s still no way to say that my child will turn out to be a decent human being. I remembered this part in Truman Capote’s novel In Cold Blood, during the persecution, the mother of one of the murderers could not believe that his son is capable of killing an entire family. She thought she raised him well. Did she feel guilty? Did she feel partly responsible for creating this monster? I’m sure she thought about where she went wrong in raising her child.

But what if it’s really not your fault? In the movie Stoker, India, played by Mia Wasikowska, thought that killing people is in her nature. And by the end of the movie, she saw no point in fighting it anymore. Can that really be a thing? That you’re just born to kill people? One thing is for sure, I would rather choose to earn the Best/Worst Mom Award by raising a talentless kid than a potential assassin, even if the latter would be a more lucrative venture.

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