My wedding is going to be AWESOME.

I am skeptical of the whole institution of marriage. I didn’t have a lot of inspiring examples of a functional and traditional complete family growing up. And now that I am grown up enough to know about the histories of my aunts and uncles, I’m just more paranoid. What if I’m genetically predisposed to a state of non-marriage? What if karma comes back to bite me in the ass for my past sins? And the thing that scares me the most (which I heard is bound to happen), what if after a few years, you find that you don’t love each other anymore and you’re stuck with each other just because you’re married? And you have to suck it up “because of the kids.”

All those worries aside, I still can’t help but think of weddings. Maybe it’s because of my newly discovered interest in everything stereo-typically girly like putting on make-up or dressing up. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s the boyfriend. Maybe I’m just bored. No matter what the reason, I’m fascinated about having a day dedicated solely to publicly celebrating your love for each other.

But let’s be honest here, weddings are all about the bride. You can go on months and months yapping about bridal dresses and how stressed you are with your future in-laws, preparing the seat plan, and bitching about the caterer. And no one’s allowed to say anything because they’re supposed to be happy for you. Your wedding will be your fifteen minutes of fame. It’s the best excuse to have professionals over just to do your hair and make up. It is your red carpet moment. It is the makeover montage that will play in your head forever.

So to quote Julia Roberts, I say unto you guys, “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to humor these wedding scenarios that I have planned.”

THE PROPOSAL

I love surprises. The first time my boyfriend pulled off a surprise, I cried. And we’re just talking about a bouquet of flowers here. I’m not saying the proposal has to be big. But a wedding proposal while on a hot air balloon ride would be much welcome.

I also love the Ayala Triangle Lights and Sound Show during the Christmas season. Imagine going to that show, expecting to hear Christmas songs being played, and then instead you hear an orchestra version of Train’s “Marry Me.” And then your guy comes out of the shadows, gets down on one knee, says he couldn’t have phrased it any better, recites the lyrics of the song to you, and finally asks for your hand in marriage. And all the Christmas lights are twinkling, reflecting all the happiness you feel inside. I would just be a puddle of tears, I tell you.

But the proposal doesn’t have to be a huge public thing. All that matters is the sincerity. So if my boyfriend pours his heart out singing and dancing Justin Timberlake’s “My Love,” I would already consider that a great proposal. He has to be wearing a suit though. I don’t care where we are but the suit is a requisite.

THE DRESS

Red is my power color. However, I have seen some horrific red-themed weddings so I’m going for a burgundy/wine-colored theme instead. It might be the classier choice.

I love this dress. It’s not really a wedding dress so it’s different. It’s sleek at the top and all glamour at the bottom. It’s badass. And it has my power color. Just change the lower part from red to burgundy and I’m sold.

Ethereal is not a word anyone would use to describe me, but I think this Reem Acra gown could change that. So if I wanted to feel like a fairy princess on my wedding day, this would be the dress that will make it happen. I would probably request the dressmaker that the tulle skirt be detachable though. I still want to be able to wear the tube sheath dress underneath after the wedding. I mean, let us be practical. Am I right, ladies?

For the ladies who will be in the entourage, I have two choices. This dress in burgundy:

Or this, because it looks cool and pretty at the same time. But I don’t know how to customize the color to match my chosen theme:

What I do know is that I want that ruffly, poofy thing underneath to be detachable too so that it can still be used for less formal occasions. I’m really all about getting bang out of my buck.

As for the men, well, you just have to live up to Ryan Gosling and Andrew Garfield’s image. Everyone can pull this off, right? No big deal.

THE WEDDING

The civil wedding will be held in a country where divorce is legal because I’m romantic like that. I don’t think a beach wedding is my thing. A church wedding is out of the question. But I do want to walk down some sort of aisle.

So here’s what’s going to happen: the venue of the wedding will also be that of the reception, like a hotel ballroom or those makeshift tent/events place thing. And people will not be walking down the aisle but on an actual runway. I want it to be like an actual runway show—lights, sounds, a handful of photographers, and guests seated along the runway. Everyone is required to wear something avant-garde. I don’t care what their understanding of avant-garde is. Like, they could wear a duster and bedroom slippers, I would totally support it.

Our first dance will be something sweet like “The Way You Look Tonight” which will be remixed with Justin Timberlake’s “Suit & Tie.” And then we’ll have this cool choreographed dance that will leave everyone stunned. All other dances after that will be rendered useless.

Honestly, it’s not that I want to get married. I just want to go to a themed party. And if I will be the center of attention of said themed party, that would be great.

I would be equally happy attending other people’s weddings though, but I haven’t had many opportunities to do so. I have exactly zero close girl friends who peaked early and are now considering settling down. My guy friends are not getting married any time soon, if at all. That’s why I’m conjuring all these wedding plans in my head when all I really want is to attend a cool themed party. So if anyone of you knows any themed weddings/party I could crash, kindly send your e-vites to jenjalandoni710@gmail.com.

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