Cry for help: Someone get me a cronut!

I’m obsessing about cronuts and I haven’t even tasted one yet. Some quick facts about this New York pastry craze:

  • A cronut is a hybrid of a croissant and a donut. It has vanilla cream filling and usually glazed with sugar on top.
  • The term cronut was trademarked by its inventor Dominique Ansel.
  • The original cronut in New York takes about three days to make.
  • Foodie extremists line up for hours just to buy cronuts. There is even a cronut black market. WUT?

I have read so many articles and looked at tons of photos of cronuts, yet I still haven’t dragged my ass to the nearest Wildflour Cafe + Bakery and finally bought myself one. I get discouraged whenever I hear that they run out fast. However, I am not yet at the point where I feel I need to call and reserve a cronut. So I’m left imagining what a cronut actually tastes like. Here are some other ways I have imagined what a cronut can be:

  • A cronut instead of a birthday cake, with sparklers
  • Cronuts forming the shape of my current age (17)
  • A cronut bouquet
  • You know those greeting cards that play music when you open it? That but instead of music, cronuts.
  • A gingerbread house made of cronuts and zero amounts of gingerbread
  • Mini-cronuts
  • Cronut-ception: Instead of vanilla cream filling inside the cronut, you bite into more cronuts
  • A cronut pillow
  • A cronut big enough that I can stick my head inside the hole in the middle and eat my way out of the cronut
  • A car with huge cronut wheels
  • A cronut on a stick just like a lollipop
  • A cronut on a stick that spins just like a pinwheel
  • Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Cronuts
  • A cronut milkshake (Totally misses the point, I know. But this is my cronut dream and you are just living in it.)
  • Cronut necklaces, rings and earrings
  • Cronut Eating Contest
  • A cronut pageant where they parade their cronuts and the winners will be Cronut King and Queen and they will wear… CRONUT CROWNS!