Crook Book

Guise, doing household chores is not an excuse to dress and look like shit. I spent the whole afternoon scrubbing the bathroom floor, and polishing my Wimbledon trophies, but still managed to look dope in this photo. I think I did well putting this outfit together, considering that I didn’t have enough time to scour my wardrobe for pieces to mix and match.

My top is a vintage Op shirt which you probably can’t afford. I tore off its sleeves to achieve that snatcher-sa-kanto look, and to impress you with my puny arms. Meanwhile, I opted to wear a pair of bright yellow basketball shorts for a much-needed burst of color.

The spots of paint—and god knows what else—across the shirt’s chest area look so rugged and badass. Also, as you may notice, the right side of my mustache is thicker than the other. This is not a trend I’m trying to start. It’s simply an anomaly that happens when you give a razor to someone who can’t even draw a straight line.

I kept the bling to a minimum. I bought the plain loop earring because I saw the legendary Tony Leung wear a similar one in one of his films. LOL.

The chocolate wafer was delicious, by the way.

Aside from making me look like a mouthwatering lemon ice pop from the waist down, the shorts showed off my perfect pair of sparsely-haired legs.

I actually poured that bottle of water all over mah bodeh. Though I’d love to share the photo with you guise, I don’t want to be held liable for the collapse of your uterine walls (or prostate).

What can I say? I look muthafucking ballin’. You could never.

Photos and words by Allan Policarpio

Edited by Jen Jalandoni

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