“Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk.” – Tony Stark

When my friend Mafi and I were planning our fashion blog collaboration, I was a little apprehensive when she said that one of the locations where she wanted to shoot was at a bridge. It was my first time doing something like this and I kinda wanted to take it easy. You know, build confidence in an intimate space before going all out in public. But she was adamant. She said it’ll be fine and it’s going to look great. So I said, “Whatever. Let’s do it.” And I’m glad we pushed that idea to happen.

Fun fact: Mafi and I shot all three outfits (Hippie Dippie Girl, Wallflower) in one day.

I knew some of the pedestrians and motorists would turn their heads, wolf-whistle or say something annoying once we started shooting at the bridge so I wore something that felt like an armor. I wanted to be able to give the side eye or look fierce/angry if anyone was rude to me or Mafi. At the same time, I wanted to channel that energy to work with the entire look. This limited edition top from Soignée Clothing did the trick.

Remember when I wrote how I liked the feminine-but-badass aesthetic? Well, the owner of Soignée Clothing, who’s also my friend, knows that. She showed me this top and said “This is so you.” I had to get it.

This long-sleeved top looks so cool and chic. You can wear it to work with a pencil skirt or even a dress. Wear it with a mini-skirt like the one in the photo and you’re ready for a girls’ night out. And with a pair of fitted black pants, it’s perfect for a concert. You can really go both ends of the badass-feminine spectrum with this top.

I love the different textures of the leather and the fishnet combined. The irregularly-shaped hemline also adds character. It’s just so versatile and beautiful.

To complete the warrior look, I wore my favorite black Ecco lace up boots,  this pair of clip-on metal earrings from Mango and an M)phosis ring with tiny spikes. Sadly, we forgot to take a close-up shot of the ring.

This will be my last fashion blog post for a while. I enjoyed it a lot and will definitely do more in the future. I loved that I got to work on this with my friends. Thank you, Allan and Mafi for bearing with me every time I bothered you to submit your stuff.

It’s great to have other people invested in your work and what the end result will be. When I write about non-fashion-related stuff, I sometimes feel alone because it’s just me, my thoughts, and the computer.

I know some of you visited because of the photos but I hope you enjoyed the writing as well. The next theme we’re planning will be more challenging than waking up at three in the morning to put on make-up, posing in front of strangers or staring directly at the sun. But like what I said to Mafi, “Whatever. Let’s do it.”

Guise, doing household chores is not an excuse to dress and look like shit. I spent the whole afternoon scrubbing the bathroom floor, and polishing my Wimbledon trophies, but still managed to look dope in this photo. I think I did well putting this outfit together, considering that I didn’t have enough time to scour my wardrobe for pieces to mix and match.

Scene: December 31, 2013, at home

I still don’t have a polka dotted outfit to wear for New Year’s Eve. Lord knows I need luck and money for 2014. I have to find something new with polka dot prints.

I’ve been eyeing this navy blue, polka dotted Cotton On dress for quite some time now. The fabric is light so it would be perfect for summer. At the same time it looks good with my boots and black Levi’s biker jacket on. Maybe I can push it as an outfit for work.

Scene: Cotton On, SM Megamall, 2nd floor, building A

There’s a navy blue, polka dotted dress here but it’s not the style I want. Where is it? Did they already run out of stock? That would make sense because it was a cute dress. A lot of people would’ve bought it for the same reason I’m looking for it now.

“Do you have a branch in Shangri-la Mall?” I ask the saleslady. She said they don’t have one, only Cotton On Kids. I’m not willing to drive to Greenbelt just for a dress. And the stores might be closed by the time I get there anyway.

Gaaaahd… Why didn’t I buy that dress when I tried it on and saved myself all this trouble? Ugh. Let’s just look for another dress at a different store.

Forever 21 it is.

[End scene.]

This outfit would be perfect when your boyfriend takes you to meet his friends. It’s conservative at the top but with a lot of leg. It’s comfortable so you don’t have to fuss too much. It’s dressy enough for a fancy dinner and casual enough if you decide to go to a bar or club after. It will make you feel pretty and girly, and your date will protectively hold you near him all time in case any of his friends gets any funny ideas.

If that boy does not cling to you like an overly attached child when you have this jumpsuit and heels combination on, you should be worried. Or maybe you’re just not that kind of couple. I would not know.

Mafi and I shot this at the parking lot of the newly constructed Electrical and Electronics Engineering Institute in UP Diliman. Our original plan was to hold the photo shoot at the College of Science Ampitheater but a lot of cyclists were hanging out there that morning. I chickened out. I didn’t want an audience so we settled here.

The guard of the building kept pestering us during the shoot. I didn’t know what his issue was. We weren’t bothering anyone. It’s not like we’re taking pictures of the facilities inside. Did we need to get a permit to take pictures of a wall in UP now? Are there clues engraved on that wall which leads to a National Treasure sort of hunt that needs to be kept secret? Was anyone complaining from the EEE community? He pissed me off.

We shot there for thirty minutes and the guard circled us like a vulture the entire time. When we were wrapping up our last few photos, he annoyed us one last time by asking how long we still have to shoot. We asked him why does he need to know and he mumbled something about being captured in the CCTV camera. So fucking what? Isn’t that the entire point of having a CCTV camera? Based on his answer, we weren’t even violating anything.

Enough about the guard. This is supposedly a fashion blog post and we would be remiss if we didn’t mention where I got these clothes from. Like I said earlier, the jumpsuit is from Forever 21. The suede, peep toe platform pumps are from Zara.

This shot with the falling leaves is lovely but let me tell you, I was so worried that those leaves might’ve been peed on. I looked at the leaves before I picked them up. They were dry. But you can never really be sure. I was too afraid to smell them. Ugh. Fashion is hard, you guys.

My friend Mafi and I did the photo shoot in front of the College of Mass Communication in UP Diliman. Our peg was peaceful-looking, nature-loving hippie, hence, the contemplative and touching-whatever-belongs-to-nature poses.

Headband from Landmark

Let’s admit it; the only thing that makes this look hippie-ish is that fake flower headband and it’s not even that effective. But let’s stretch our imaginations here, okay? I mean, I would still totally blend in if I time-traveled to the 70s, right?

Laughing my head off whenever I look at this because this image is the antithesis of me.

I love these lace-up Ecco boots I bought in Hong Kong. One of my fashion philosophies is if you’re going to spend a lot on clothes or accessories, make sure it’s something you can wear all the time. I have worn these boots at least once a week ever since I got them so I’m really happy that I got to maximize my investment.

They go with almost anything and I can’t emphasize how comfortable they are to wear. True story: I once wore these boots for almost twenty-four hours last December. My right pinky toe went numb but that’s probably because I was dancing for two hours.

Mafi and I were ecstatic with this Mary Poppins-inspired photo. I’m floating and my limbs are elongated. Tyra Banks would be so proud. I wish the boots would’ve been more visible but other than that, it’s a lovely shot.

Here’s my happy dance after we finished our photo shoot. Look how fucking graceful I am. Like a fucking gazelle, I swear to god.

I’m ashamed to admit that I’m one of those people who makes a big deal out of the number of likes I get on my Facebook or Instagram posts. I get excited when a photo of me is garnering digital approval as if my happiness hinges on its “success.” In the same way, I get bothered and confused when my picture is not getting the attention I think it deserves. Why is someone else’s grainy picture doing better than mine when mine was shot at a great location and I look good in it? I always end up to the same conclusion: I’m just not likable. Not popular enough.

I’m aware that it’s a self-destructive habit based on a subjective and nonsensical gauge of my value as a person but I still get depressed over it. My friend had a simpler explanation: I’m insecure.

Facebook does not let you escape high school. The popular girls are still popular and I’m still me, except now there’s a numerical value attached on how much I’m not popular in comparison to them. So I guess I should be glad I don’t make a living out of Facebook likes because I would not be doing well in life if that were the case.

Here are some tips from unpopular me to you on what you should and shouldn’t do to avoid being stuck in this abyss of irrelevance:

1. Do not be an atheist.

God-related posts are instant hits. Being a member of any religion means you already have a captured audience. So if you post a selfie or series of selfies and caption it with a quote from the Bible or say something about how god is your best friend and/or boyfriend, then that will easily get you at least fifteen to thirty likes. The reason behind it is most people equate faith with being a good person, and good people get a lot of likes. Also, always remember to check in when you visit your favorite church on Sundays.

Atheist posts on the other hand are major downers. Even just the word “atheist” turns people off. People don’t like it when they’re presented with an idea they’re not familiar with, especially if that idea basically says that their belief is wrong. It can also be because a lot of atheist posts come across as angry, frustrated, non-inclusive, and sometimes self-absorbed.

Same goes for feminist posts. Just don’t announce yourself to be any sort of “ist” as much as possible.

2. Do not shut people down.

If someone’s being a douche or a misogynist, sexist pig, you can’t call him out on that because what’s most probably happening is they’re just joking around. Why do you have to take everything so seriously, you angry feminist? They’re not hurting anyone. They just shared something on the internet that demeans women which also happens to be funny!

Never say what’s on your mind because strong opinions are not cool. You can have strong opinions about something only if you’ve noticed that a lot of people are having the same opinions too. Maybe consider having zero opinions altogether. Just go with the flow. Hakuna matata, right?

3. Don’t try so hard.

Another thing that’s not cool is trying hard. Obviously, I have set myself up for failure because the name of my blog is “Live Trying.” It’s a constant reminder that I’m going to live as an uncool person for the rest of my life.

No one wants to know how you managed to look gorgeous today with your perfectly done hair and make-up, so don’t provide details of how you’re not naturally pretty or sexy. Just say you woke up flawless, like Beyoncé.

4. Be mysterious.

Nothing piques people’s interest more than secrets. And the best way to catch their attention is to post cryptic tweets or status updates. It gives an air of exclusivity to the privileged few who know what’s happening. And the lesser people who are not privy to your secrets will feel bad about themselves. Win-win.

Pro tip: I have learned the hard way that people who air their life’s drama on the internet do not welcome unsolicited replies from their followers even though posting it on their public accounts would suggest otherwise. Apparently they want everyone to know that they’re going through something. But since it’s not cool to have a conversation with the person they’re having a problem with, they rant about it in public instead.

Additional pro tip: Deactivate your social media accounts from time to time. Nothing says “I’m better than you” than staying away from Facebook and then coming back with a bang. And then everyone’s all “Where you been, girl?” And you’re all “You know, living life.” Congrats, Ms. Enigma.

In summation, my goal in life in three slides:

Like most people, I want to find that person who will understand me and all my weirdness. I know I already wrote about why I’m not weird and I stand by that statement. I’m super normal. Please tell me all these things I do or feel are normal. (Do not read if you’re squeamish.)

1. I love farting.

And I love pooping too. But I find passing gas much more fun. I love a specific kind of fart—the loud, usually odorless kind that you unleash in the morning. It starts my morning right. My day is not complete if I don’t fart that fart.

I also love hearing other people fart loudly. I especially like it when I hear it in the women’s restroom. Like, you’re in your cubicle, finally relieving your tiny bladder, and then coming from the next door you hear a loud fart. It makes me feel connected to womankind, hearing other women’s farts. It’s glorious. It tells us that when it comes right down to the essentials, we’re all humans, and we all need to fart. Anne Curtis farts. Marilyn Monroe farted. Even Kate Middleton farts. And I bet my bottom dollar that she farted a lot when she was carrying Prince George.

I dream of the day when farting becomes socially acceptable, not the nuclear smelling ones of course, but the loud ones that I like.  It can be some weird cultural thing like slurping ramen noodles in Japan or burping which some cultures find okay. Let’s make it happen, Oprah and Dr. Oz.

2. I love getting my period.

One more bodily function that I appreciate is menstruation. Contrary to popular belief, not all women go crazy during their periods. I feel like I’m actually more pleasant during those days. I have more energy, I walk more and I’m excited to work out compared to regular days.

Luckily, I rarely experience dysmenorrhea. And when I do, a single pill or capsule of painkiller does the trick. Other girls don’t have it so great. Some of them can’t even stand because of how much pain they’re in. If that’s the case, I would totally understand if they get really bitchy.

It’s actually the week before my period that I get annoying. I’m emotional for no reason. I get pissed at the most trivial things. I’m super lazy and I eat a lot. I bet it’s the hormones. It’s always the hormones. If there are any doctors out there, please verify if this is the normal cycle of things.

3. When I was in high school, I diagnosed myself with breast cancer.

And told all my friends about it.

Can you imagine a fifteen-year-old girl telling her friends that she has breast cancer?! It’s hilarious looking back, but at the time we were all devastated. Everyone’s crying and the girls were all hugging. Then everyone had some sort of testimony of how they really felt about each other. Some said they’ve been feeling like an outsider within the group. Lots of sorry’s and I love you’s were said. All those drama. It was so stupid and beautiful. For a few hours, the world stopped and we had our moment.

In my defense, I read a lot of Reader’s Digest those days. It was my version of WebMD. And you know these things; they make you feel like you have all sorts of diseases. That’s what happened to me. Breast cancer kept popping up in the articles I was reading and I have deluded myself that I felt lumps in my breasts and these were tumors. That was it. That was my basis for everything.

I was scared that I would not be able to enter college because of my “breast cancer”—that I would fail my physical exam. But all the results came out normal. I didn’t have cancer. I just suffered from hallucinations from time to time.

4. I’m a violent drunk.

I’m prone to slapping, biting, kicking and fly-kicking my friends when I reach a certain level of intoxication. I’m not proud of it. It’s not cute. And my friends have wanted to stab me during these moments. Sorry, friends.

5. When I was a kid, I scratched my skin off with my nails because I was so pissed.

It’s a rite of passage in our family to be teased until you cry. My aunts, trained hecklers that they are, will target one of us kids at random whenever we got together. It was psychological warfare.

I was an easy target because I cry easily and I don’t answer back. But there was one time I decided that I was not going to cry. Not today. I won’t give them the satisfaction. It will be my personal victory.

What I did was, when they were teasing me, I scratched the inside of my wrist and focused on the physical pain instead of the emotional one. I managed to claw to the underside of my epidermis. You know, the pink-colored skin that’s exposed when you get an abrasion?

But my aunts did not stop. And I realized it’s because they did not see what I was doing. So I started scratching the side of my eye, near my temple instead. I was slowly skinning myself. It hurt like hell but I kept at it. After a few minutes, my mom finally noticed what I was doing and put a stop to it. I was such a spiteful kid.

But I did not cry. I DID NOT CRY. I had a noticeable scar on my face for an entire week but I didn’t care. I won those battle scars through self-inflicted torture. And it served as a reminder to my aunts not to mess with me. It was only good for a month though. They were back to teasing me after that.

6. I’m friends with my ex(es).

Well, I don’t really talk to my previous boyfriend. I’m not mad at him or vice versa. We didn’t end the relationship on a sour note. I think that relationship ended in as good terms as could’ve been possible. The reason we don’t talk to each other is because we shouldn’t. But if we take the “shouldn’t” part out of the situation, I believe we could’ve been friends.

I do talk to my first boyfriend. He’s actually one of my closest friends. We still hang out. We watch movies and concerts. We travel. Needless to say, we don’t do these things just the two of us. But some of our friends still find it strange.

We recently had a discussion if we should be worried of what people think—if there’s any merit to what they’re saying. Is there really only one route an ex-couple could take, the one where they don’t talk to each other? It seems that popular culture is perpetuating that if ex-couples are friends, the end result is always getting back together. This is the subtext of the people who say that our relationship is weird.

I want to justify myself but most people have already made up their minds anyway. I’m just made to feel like my justification is short of admitting that they’re right.

I guess that’s how truly weird things are. You want people to understand. You want people to accept that there are other truths aside from their own. You want someone to say that you’re okay. That’s why I’m annoyed at some people who say they’re weird. Because they say it with the confidence of someone who hasn’t been an outcast.